Apparently, you have it bad for Sega's blue mascot. Real bad.
Today is Sonic the Hedgehog's 20th birthday. We expected to say something to the effect of, "wow, we can't believe he's that old".
Instead, we can't believe he lasted this long.
Let's face it, Sonic is the Nicolas Cage of video game characters. He never turns down a role. Meanwhile, the Sega faithful hope (oftentimes in vain) that his next appearance captures just an ounce of magic from the good old days.
Despite a string of lackluster games, though, we love the guy. So do millions of consumers, who devour Sonic's adventures in the face of scathing reviews.
That said, you're a hardcore Sonic the Hedgehog fan if...
You see the good in everything
A love affair with a human? Transforming into a werehog at night? Neither of these questionable (borderline insane) decisions faze you. Sega could dress up Sonic in drag and you'd run to the store, pre-order ticket in hand.
You write Sonic fan fiction
Sega has taken its sweet time planning the marriage between Sonic and Amy Rose, so you took it upon yourself to dream up the entire wedding, complete with Tails as the best man and Eggman crashing the party. Then you published it online to share with other like minded (dare we say talented) individuals. The part where Sonic carries his bride to the honeymoon suite took a nasty turn, though, didn't it? Oh yes. It certainly did.
You know of Jaleel White for a reason other than playing Urkel on Family Matters. What's more, you love his work.
The same guy that played Urkel lent his voice acting talents to Sonic during the 90s. You really enjoy bringing this up at parties.
You consider Shadow the Hedgehog a refreshingly creative risk
In 2005, Sega thought it was a good idea to send Sonic on a vacation and thrust Shadow the Hedgehog into the spotlight. On top of that, the powers that be put twin pistols into his hands and let the anti-hero run amok like some cracked out maniac in a Quentin Tarantino film. Critics panned both the game and Sega. You, on the other hand, appreciated the company's decision to try something new. Ah yes, and Shadow carrying an automatic rifle made perfect sense.
You purchase console and handheld versions of the same game
Why? Because they're never the same game, silly.
You read the Archie comics
Remember issue 16 of Sonic Universe (Journey to the East, part four of four), where Sonic confronts Espio, traitor to the Chaotix? Yup, of course you do.
You purchased Sonic the Hedgehog 4: Episode 1 four times
Most folks were OK with buying Sonic 4 for their platforms of choice, but not you. Tempted by Sega's promise to mention your name in a special video, you plunked down the cash for the Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, Wii and iPhone versions. Did you regret doing that? Stupid question.