By: Chris Buffa January 14, 2013 0 Comments

Dear Mojang, we're sorry.

Up until a few hours ago, everything I knew about Minecraft fit into a sentence, and the concept seemed ridiculous. If a person didn't enjoy actual construction [raises hand], what pleasure could possibly come from the virtual kind? That said, I kept an eye on Minecraft Pocket Edition. The game was originally a shadow of the PC version, but the recent 0.5.0 update added a variety of items and enemies, bringing the iOS and Android effort one step closer to its counterpart. The breaking point came days ago, with news that the mobile and tablet game was downloaded almost six million times in 2012. $6.99 to see what the fuss is about? Why the hell not?

A whole new world, or something.

On that note, this is my Minecraft Pocket Edition diary. I'm the furthest thing from an expert, and this also goes for architecture. I enjoy making squares, and lots of them, so please indulge my ramblings as I stumble, bumble and desecrate this beloved game with my incompetence.

Minecraft Pocket Edition Diary: Day 1

Yes Rahway. You've never been?

No imagination when it came to naming my world. Settled on Rahway (as in Rahway, NJ), which is where I grew up. In case you're wondering, what the game generated looks nothing like the actual town.

OK, now what?

No tutorial? I grew up playing some of the toughest games ever made, but now I'm 34 and want my hand held, at least for the first couple of minutes. Hey Mojang, a little help. How do I craft? What elements should I combine? When does the sun go down? How long does the sun stay up? More importantly, how do the controls work?

Trial and error ensued as I accidentally dug clumps of dirt from the ground and littered a small patch of land with wooden boxes until finally realizing there's a huge difference between tapping the screen to place something and pressing/holding to remove it.

Armed with this knowledge, I chose to build a small brick house. Nothing fancy, of course, but with the sun inevitably going down and monsters coming out, being indoors seemed like a good idea.

A great place to bury the bodies.

First step, digging a foundation for no particular reason, as if doing this would strengthen my home in some way.

Rent the machine from Home Depot, and this baby will shine.

Next, laying the hardwood floor, because if you don't have hardwood, you have carpet.

Hello, Windows 95.

With the floor looking unimpressive but most certainly hard, I surrounded it with bricks, which immediately reminded me of that old first-person screensaver on 90s PCs.

Bed for one, and that's how I like it.

From there, some decorations. A bed to pass the time, a painting to accent the room and a box for no particular reason.

This was also the point when I realized there's no resource gathering whatsoever. I thought the whole point of Minecraft was to chop down trees and break stone? I'm starting to think I have the original Pocket Edition, despite the fact that the App Store informs me the game has no more updates.

What did the dog say to its owner? Roof! Get it? Oh my god.

Now I need a roof, just in case it rains or something. Nothing beautiful. Just good old-fashioned tree stumps.

Yes, it's an Andersen window.

You know what, here's a skylight. I'm oddly thrilled about this.

Now about that curtain.

Skylight from the inside. Yup, totally worth it.

Home sweet home.

Threw on some doors and there it is, a house to shield me from all the Creepers, Skeletons and Spiders about to burst forth from some alternate dimension like in that film, the Mist. Better get inside.

Now what?

Why doesn't the sun go down? Not only that, but where are the animals and enemies? Is there a possibility the game generated a world built for one? You know what? I'm going outside to explore.


This is getting depressing. The world is pathetically small. It takes literally seconds to locate the edge.

Still no sign of life. Survival mode is on. Menu screen says Version 0.5.0. What's the deal?

Where the heck am I?

Shit, how do I get back home?

Join me tomorrow for the next chapter in this new virtual existence.

Filed under: