Paris Hilton's Diamond Quest
An unoriginal puzzle game with overexcess of ego? Now that's hot...not.
Perhaps one of the biggest stories to surface out of E3 this year wasn't involving a particular piece of hardware, but rather a dim-witted celebrity who forgot the name of the game that she was promoting. Of course, unintended hilarity ensued. I'm talking about everyone's favorite empty-headed superspokesperson, Paris Hilton, a woman whose presence at the event caused a traffic jam of epic proportions at the West Hall of the Convention Center. It was there that she made the announcement that she was proud of Gameloft's new game featuring her likeliness, Diamond Quest...only it was called Jewel Jam. But instead of making her look further like an idiot, Gameloft decided to go with it, and now we finally have Quest available for download.
Now if only the game really had something good to offer. The gameplay is a little bit familiar to those who have played Bejeweled and Jewel Quest. It involves the switching around of gems so that they can be eliminated from a game board once you line them up in particular rows. So, nothing blazingly original, but at least it's something that has some kind of appeal to it in terms of basic gameplay. Those looking for something new, however, are out of luck.
The game doesn't offer much in terms of variety with its modes. You have Gem Collector, which gives you the chance to clear off a number of gems off the screen, many of which are based on jewelry that Ms. Hilton just can't help but be without. Puzzle mode is as you might expect, having to remove all the pieces on a board in a certain number of moves. And Reveal Letters is a somewhat interesting but pointless mode where you have to find letters in Paris' name (seriously) in order to earn some bonuses.
But, really, the only way you're going to find some kind of entertainment in this game is if you can tolerate Hilton herself in some unspeakable manner. The game features her likeliness (as well as that of her dog, Tinkerbell) in a series of pictures that you unlock as you further play the game. Boy, talk about a title that's full of itself. There's no extra modes to unlock or other goodies to uncover, just Paris-related stuff. And, really, if you can't stand the woman, well, why the heck are you reading this review? Looking for insults?
There's nothing particularly wrong with the graphics or sound in the game, as it holds up pretty well for a title of this type. However, there's nothing that shows any kind of distinctiveness, not even hints of stuff from Paris' new album. It just looks like it was slapped together to rely on the license instead of actually offering anything new and original. And you know how those games go.
So if you enjoy Paris Hilton in the least (and I don't mean her performance in that little video that's been making the rounds), Diamond Quest might just be up your alley. It's an adequate if unoriginal puzzler that will help you pass the time. However, let's face it, there are better puzzle games out there, and without hints of someone's overpampered lifestyle or ridiculously fluffy dog. Gameloft's own Lumines comes to mind. Now there's a game with style, integrity, and smarts. You know, the kind of stuff Paris could've used at E3.
What's Hot: Adequate gameplay; alright sound and graphics.
What's Not: Unoriginal; the only unlockables are pictures of Paris and her dog.