Top Five Handheld Villains
This feature is dedicated to any DS owner that has been caught shouting "Blue. Blue! BLUE!" into his dual-screened system anywhere in public...
With so many great titles available for the DS we have seen some great heroes and villains, but some deserving characters have been lost in the shuffle. With that in mind, I present you the best of the best in unassuming villainy, the unsung heroes of the dark side.
5. Kirby (Squeak Squad): Risking that much to chase down a piece of cake? I like baked goods as much as the next person, but a cross-country trek is a bit much. Kirby is his own worst enemy in Squeak Squad.
4. The color blue (Brain Age): It may not have been "the color out of space," but "blue" certainly managed to ruin the brain age of quite a few gamers. The issue seems to have faded in recent months, but it's only a matter of time before a new color strikes fear into the hearts and minds of gamers the world over. H.P. Lovecraft would be proud.
3. Dr. Lobe (Big Brain Academy): He's nice enough when you're smart, saying you have the brain of a museum curator or a calculator... make a few simple mistakes, and you're a caveman. Jerk.
2. The DSLite's brightest screen setting: This one may seem like an odd choice, but in a dark room those dual screens become a weapon terrible to behold. Much like accidentally plugging headphones into a laptop with the volume turned up, it's quite a shock to hop into bed and turn on your trusty DS... only to discover that you have gone completely blind as your room went from midnight to high noon. The upshot? Your DS can be used as a dual-lit lighthouse in dangerous seafaring situations.
1. Tom Nook (AC:WW): Animal Crossing is an extremely cute and innocent game, but anyone who has played it can attest to just how evil Tom Nook can be. He's got you trapped in debt to him constantly; house upgrade after house upgrade, and the only real way to make the money is by selling items to him. This wouldn't be such a bad deal if he weren't quite happy to sell you something, turn around, and buy it back at a mere fraction of the original price. Thinking you might just hold off on upgrading for a while to avoid the debt? The animals in town will be constantly pressuring you to enlarge your house, convincing me that they are all really working for the dratted raccoon.
Tom Nook's business practices are so evil he makes Ganon look like a sissy.
The Zoo Keeper: Random occurrences can ruin your run through quest mode, and this guy will dock your pay if that happens. How's that fair again?
Mr. Resetti (AC:WW): This guy's not as bad as Nook, but accidentally powering down your game for any reason results in a long lecture from this fast-talking mole. The worst part is that he starts to give you quizzes after a few visits... essentially proving he's the DMV for AC:WW.
Planet Meteo (Meteos): The puzzle game that many love but few own owes a great debt to this evil orb, for without it there wouldn't be any falling blocks to play with as you planet-hop!