Top Eight Games to Play at a Funeral
If so and so were alive, they'd want you to get your game on. Ole!
Dead people ruin everything. Not only does their heart-stoppage spoil your weekend, but they're too inconsiderate to have scheduled an open bar (or at the very least, a veggie platter) at their depressing funerals. Not only are we forced to wear suits (a crime in itself), but we must also deal with bawling relatives and the formaldehyde injected corpse. However, just because someone's pilot light burned out doesn't mean you can't have fun at their expense. Just pick a quiet corner, whip out your favorite portable and play the following video games. Who knows, you may earn some extra lives.
[subhead]Dig Dug Digging Strike[/subhead]
Spying an open grave gets us in the mood for some Dig Dug. In fact, standing before the casket makes our fingers twitch, as we instantly get the urge to play in the dirt and drop rocks on dragons' heads. Someone hand us a shovel.
[subhead]Touch the Dead[/subhead]
Admit it. When it's your turn to kneel before the dead and say a prayer, you have a burning urge to poke the body; perhaps honk its nose. While tempting, doing this could result in cruel and unusual punishment (not going to more funerals, perhaps). Thankfully, there's Touch the Dead, Majesco's House of the Dead rip off for the Nintendo DS. Armed with a stylus, you poke zombies, blowing them to bits with an assortment of guns.
[subhead]Pinball of the Dead[/subhead]
On its own, pinball's about as dead as the poor sap in the coffin, but Sega's Pinball of the Dead still rules the graveyard. This House of the Dead spin off challenges you to survive hordes of zombies and other horrors, as you reduce them to bloody chunks with your destructive pinball. Combine the addictive gameplay with sweet House of the Dead 2 music, and you have a perfect escape from the chains of reality.
[subhead]Sid Meier's Pirates![/subhead]
Yarrrr me matey! If you have an uncontrollable urge to swipe the deceased's jewelry, set sail for the Caribbean in Sid Meier's Pirates! In this addictive adventure game, you'll work to become the most feared captain to ever sail the high seas, docking at a host of ports and schmoozing with the locals, all the while swiping their valuables and swashbuckling landlubbers. Sure beats getting caught with grandma's wedding ring. Arrrrrr!
[subhead]Trauma Center: Under the Knife[/subhead]
Your relative/friend was a great person, but they're gone. Best to spend less time mourning the dead and focus on saving the living, as in the emergency room. Trauma Center lets you channel your depression and output positive energy, as you busily remove bullets, tumors and strange creatures from people's guts. Besides, if you happen to kill someone, you can always restart.
[subhead]Resident Evil: Deadly Silence[/subhead]
Fighting over grandpa's will takes a backseat to thwarting a zombie invasion, so quit arguing over who inherits his Purple Heart and play Resident Evil: Deadly Silence. Nothing gets one's mind off the deceased like blowing off a zombie's head with a shotgun.
[subhead]Death Jr. [/subhead]
It's difficult hating the Grim Reaper when his son's so gosh darned cute. In these games, you play as the little scamp (DJ for short), romping through evil fantasy lands dispatching monsters with a plethora of guns and of course, his trusty scythe. The more you play, the more you'll realize that Death isn't some heartless bastard, but rather a guy just doing his job.
[subhead]New Super Mario Bros.[/subhead]
Don't get us wrong. Violent games help take the edge off, but the best medicine for a depressing corpse fest is a bright, cheery video game, and New Super Mario Bros. is perfect for curing the blues. Super happy Mario cheerfully trots through his sunshiny environments, stomping goombas and giving Bowser the business. Sure beats talking to sobbing relatives.