Video Games We Will Never Play Again
These games received good reviews, but their high scores didn't stop us from tossing them aside.
Guitar Hero: On Tour (DS)
Critics praised Activision and Vicarious Visions for shoehorning the popular music franchise onto the DS and both deserve applause for this achievement. However, Guitar Hero: On Tour is a cool, pint-sized version that's fun for about two hours. Once the hands cramp up (that happens during the first ten minutes) and we tore through the paltry song list, we'd had enough playing music man.
Chili Con Carnage (PSP)
When we first popped Chili Con Carnage into our PSPs, we thought we'd died and gone to heartburn heaven. It's all sorts of ridiculous, with you (as Ramiro "Ram" Cruz) on a mission to avenge your father's death (he gets squashed by a combine, along with some kittens). What ensues is pure shooting goodness, as you romp through Mexico and blast tons of over the top characters. It didn't take long, however, for our smiles to fade, and Chili quickly cooled off. Now it sits in our pile of PSP games, dusty and nearly forgotten.
Sonic Rush (DS)
Wow! Sega finally made a good 2D Sonic game, and it's super fast and attractive and fun and we're done after the first level. For whatever reason, we don't want to finish Sonic's portable adventure, and the same goes for its sequel, Sonic Rush Adventure. It may have something to do with Sega forcing us to play as different characters. We hate that.
Jam Sessions (DS)
Ubisoft's portable guitar simulator received some positive buzz and we eagerly anticipated it. Then it arrived, and we could barely muster the desire to crack open the box. It's decent, but we'd rather play a "real" guitar, like the one that comes with Rock Band.
Hotel Dusk: Room 215 (DS)
Hotel Dusk: Room 215 is a stylish point and click adventure that lets you solve a mystery by sifting through clues and talking to strange characters. It's actually pretty sweet, with complex puzzles and a wonderful presentation. An hour in, though, and we were done. Sorry, but we can only check the same bedroom so many times. This is why we're not detectives.
Pursuit Force (PSP)
We're suckers for high-speed thrills and gunfights, so Sony's Pursuit Force seemed too good to be true. You basically jump from car to car, commandeering vehicles and blasting bad guys. Little did we know that the game's about as shallow as your standard issue high school quarterback. It wasn't long before we'd grown tired of mashing the same buttons and stealing cars. Sorry, but we gave up this pursuit a long time ago.
The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass (DS)
Yeah, that's right. Some of us quit Phantom Hourglass just a couple of hours in. It happened around the time the game went from fun to slap it upside its head annoying, no thanks to the stupid hourglass that timed some of our dungeon crawling. It's a shame, because we love the art style and stylus driven combat. We just couldn't get over the naughty time limits.
Brain Age (DS)
Nintendo's brain game propelled its DS to the top of the sales charts and put significant distance between it and Sony's PSP. Millions of hungry gamers snatched up copies in the hopes of increasing their mental powers. We gave it the proverbial college try, but grew irritated at the poor sound recognition and the ridiculous notion that our young skulls contain 75-year old brains. We're smarter than that.
Grand Theft Auto: Liberty and Vice City Stories (PSP)
We were all sorts of excited for these portable Grand Theft Autos. Built from the ground up on PSP, Liberty and Vice City Stories promised new characters, cities and vehicles, all of which Rockstar delivered. Then we realized they play exactly like their predecessors and we never touched them again.
Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games (DS)
After years of arguing, video game fans would finally be able to determine which video game mascot is superior, Mario or Sonic. Sega merged the two into an Olympic sized slugfest, pitting them against each other in archery, swimming and racing. The game came out, we rushed to the store, scribbled on the touch screen for a few moments and tossed the game onto the shelf. Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games isn't a great game. That, and we no longer care about silly mascot battles.