Sling That Bird: The Best and Worst Times to Play Angry Birds
During foot surgery? Sure. While paying respects to a dead guy? Probably not.
Millions of people play Angry Birds. Even we can't resist destroying forts and pigs in secret, usually during company meetings and baseball games.
Some folks, though, take the obsession too far.
Let's face it, the rise of mobile gaming has given way to a new form of jerk, the guy or gal who cannot resist getting their fix at someone else's expense.
That said, you should (probably) not enjoy a little Angry Birds at the following events.
Yeah, we get it. The person who croaked is your fifth cousin twice removed, or some distant aunt you never had the privilege of meeting. That doesn't mean you should disgrace the corpse's funeral with some Angry Birds. Pay your respects, hug some folks and head to the after party...err...repast.
A wedding...church in general
If you're lucky, the groom and his presumably beautiful bride will nix a traditional mass in favor of a more streamlined ceremony that'll have you drinking in no time.
With this in mind, just sit there and smile when you're supposed to. Then later, pelt the couple with rice, providing folks still do that. Angry Birds can wait until the most boring part of any wedding...the father and daughter dance.
If, by chance, you're a member of the military (and fighting on our side), we salute you.
If, by chance, you're in the field and under fire, obtaining that high score in Angry Birds should be the least of your worries. Just don't mistake the iPhone for a machine gun clip.
A large number of women (and perhaps some men) want to cuddle after a long night (or ten seconds) of hot lovemaking. It's just one of those things you have to do. Our advice? Give in and snuggle for a little while. Do not, and we repeat, DO NOT reach for your phone at any point during this sensitive moment unless it's some kind of emergency...like blood test results.
On the flip side, we think you should totally play Angry Birds whenever you...
Have an operation under local anesthesia
Aside from visiting the dentist (that would be hard, since he or she tilts your head back), Angry Birds is the perfect way to pass the time while a doctor operates on some part of the body other than your face and hands. Sure beats watching soup operas and The View.
During conference calls
You know what goes on during conference calls? A lot of blah, blah, blah. Keep both ears glued to the conversation and your eyeballs squarely on Angry Birds.
Need to poop
No use being subtle. The iPhone has become our go to bathroom buddy, replacing magazines and the Game Boy. We've become so obsessed with playing games in the can that we considered buying an iPad specifically for the bathroom.
Think about that the next time you ask to borrow our phones.
OK, we wash our hands every time...and so should you.