3D Classics: Xevious
Some retro games should remain buried.
There are some games that you wish would be allowed some dignity to quietly live out their days in an enthusiast's garage somewhere. Xevious had its moment back in 1982, when scrolling vertical shmups were a novelty and it was possible to be impressed by the pretty colored backdrops.
But in gameplay terms, it was by no means outstanding, and was rapidly usurped by dozens of better shooters, a point that has been reinforced via countless re-releases. And look! Here's another one, at a price scientifically designed to make you weep salty tears of injustice.
The big news here, of course, is that it's now in brain-mangling 3D, where the foreground is pulled back to give it the added depth that makes it instantly more attractive. By which I mean that it doesn't at all.
In fact, by default, the depth is so confusing to my addled senses, that it's the first game on the 3DS that had me reaching for the slider within the first few seconds to dial it down to about one-quarter strength.
Once that's out of the way, it quickly becomes apparent that absolutely nothing has been added (or taken away) from the game, and that this is a straightforward port. The upshot is that there are no checkpoints, no variable difficulty settings, no extras to unlock, just you, three lives and a series of unapologetically tough scrolling stages to plough through.
Unless you're some kind of creepy time-rich retro masochist who actually enjoys having to start over from scratch every single time, Xevious is likely to provoke nothing but buyer's remorse. Vote with your wallet and send Namco and Nintendo a clear signal that no-one's interested in this half-arsed shovelware, 3D or not.
Used under license from Eurogamer.
What's Hot: No will force you to download it.
What's Not: Horrible 3D effects, $5.99, no added in-game features, you restart from the beginning, not much fun overall.