Artillery: Knights Vs. Orcs
A definitive snooze fest.
[Editor's Note: This game is currently available in Europe.]
In the olden days, it was deemed socially acceptable to torment fellow children on Witches Hats and take out your rising frustration with your state education via a bone-crunching playground session of British Bulldog. Good times.
If Kritzelkratz 3000 had its way, men would settle their differences with the noble art of cannon-firing, where you stand and fire hot metal balls of death at each other until one of you dies of your injuries.
In a sense, this piece of throwaway turn-based chaff is an ultra-simplified Worms. You start off by picking a side, Knights or Orcs, and then proceed to decide your angle of fire and how much power to apply (up to a maximum of 10). Once that's set, all that matters is smashing up your opponent first.
Doing so isn't all that simple, though, or a great deal of fun. The 'gameplay' largely amounts to patient trial and error as you figure out what specific combination of power and angle gets the job done. Once that's established, you still have to score several direct hits and then hope that your opponent doesn't a) stand in front of a tree or b) move from their spot. If they do, then the whole trial and error bit kicks in again as you try to get your eye in.
The game slowly gets a little more involved, with more complex environments to deal with and unlockable abilities such as protective shields or high explosive shells, but at no stage does it develop into something worth investing time in. It's still the same slow-paced, back-and-forth, trial-and-error slog throughout, and 200 levels of it just feels like punishment rather than reward.
Used under license from Eurogamer.
What's Hot: No one will force you to buy it.
What's Not: Too slow, more luck than skill, extremely boring.