Age of Monsters: Rock Paper Scissors
One of the worst iPhone games we've played. Stick to using your hands.
Age of Monsters: Rock Paper Scissors is one of the worst, most asinine video games on the App Store. This, despite glowing recommendations from the likes of Robot Chicken's Seth Green, Prince of Persia's Jordan Mechner and various members of the press.
What is it? A fancy version of Rock Paper Scissors with admittedly attractive looking monsters that exist as eye candy. No stats or special attacks whatsoever.
To play, you compete against the computer via Training or harass your friends to download the free game, whereupon which both sides make three selections (rock, paper or scissors), then watch the match unfold; remember that rock beats scissors, scissors beat paper and paper beats rock. First person to score a best two out of three wins the match.
That's it. There's no special take on Rock Paper Scissors, concept art or bonus modes to speak of. The only thing worth mentioning is the option to purchase creatures, but we can't imagine any sane person doing this, especially when said monsters add little value to the experience.
Meanwhile, the developers at Massive Joe Studios state that "Whether you need to decide who's paying for dinner, who gets to ask Katie Robins out on a date, or just simply to remind your friend who the superior human being is, AOM: RPS is your game", as if to suggest people should use it to settle arguments, which is ridiculous. We could play at least five games of Rock Paper Scissors using our hands by the time two friends set up a single match with this game.
What's more, too many games against the computer end in a tie, despite the developers arrogantly remarking that ties are for losers. Well, perhaps they should've spent more time programming to avoid so many stalemates.
Despite the pretty drawings, Age of Monsters has nothing else going for it. We thought such mindless nonsense died shortly following the App Store's release, back when developers flooded Apple's online store with shovel ware. Sadly, it appears some creators still feel the need to waste everyone's time.
Requirements: Compatible with iPhone, iPod touch, and iPad. Requires iOS 4.2 or later.
What's Hot: Attractive drawings, free to download.
What's Not: Paying to unlock monsters, no random online battles, too many matches end in a tie, no value or depth whatsoever, no HD iPad version.